Scattered - Day 2

Scattered. That's how I feel. I don't feel in control of my life right now. Too many things on my plate, not enough time, energy, or will to get them off.

I've just gotten more responsibilities at work. I now do the HR duties, Sales duties, Tech Support duties, Admin Assistant duties, and just started with Accounting duties. On top of all that, I'm in charge of a project that our company is working on. My boss (the president of the company) thinks that I am this freaking genius that can finish do everything he needs me to.

I'm studying for the GRE Math test. Taking it this Saturday but haven't had time to fully study for it. I feel like I'm screwed. This is my one chance to take it and apply for grad school in Fall 2012. If I don't get good marks, then I'll just have to wait another year. I don't mind doing that but my parents would be beyond angry if that happened.

I'm trying to lose weight. I want to be Leeloo (from the Fifth Element) for Halloween. You know that one outfit of hers...the white bandages? That's it. It's very revealing. I know that. I just want to prove it to myself that I can do this by 10/29 (the day of the party). Details on this goal will come later.

I'm in a relationship. Yea, we love each other and he knows (mostly) everything about me. But we constantly have to work at the relationship; not in a bad way, but in a way that most maintained relationships require. We started dating last December and moved in with each other in June. It's still young but past the "honeymoon" phase.

It's not like I hate being busy. I love it because when I'm not, I get bored. I just feel like I'm being spread too thin. How am I supposed to give 100% to everything when I feel like I don't have 100% to give?

Anyways, back to the main subject: my weight. Since I want to be Leeloo, I have to lose weight. I want to at least 115 by 10/29 (but I'd rather be 110lbs). After this Saturday (when I take the GRE), I'll start going to the gym. Yesterday, I started my goal of being a vegetarian. This is to help control what I eat and because it's just healthier. And it should go without saying, but NO junk food. That's my weakness. Last thing, buy a scale. The one I have right now is broken (:() and I need to have an accurate reading if I'm going to do this. Wish me luck!

Always,
Charlie

Phoenix Rising - Day 1

Hi all. I've decided to restart this blog for many reasons.

1. I'm stressed and need some sort of way to let it all out. Yea, I have friends and a boyfriend to talk to, but I can't tell them everything. I feel safer being somewhat anonymous, less judged with all of you, and it's easier to keep track of everything I'm going through.
2. I'm fat. I obviously am not comfortable with myself and want to get to a point where I am able to look in the mirror and like what I see.
3. I find that writing is somewhat calming. I did have a journal; however, it was found and read. I don't think I'll feel safe writing in it for a while.
4. Writing down my goals and expectations will make it easier for me to follow through with them because of all the support I get from my fellow bloggers and because I wouldn't want to disappoint you all.

So, let's get started. Hi, I'm Charlie to all those that don't remember me. I have a job (luckily), a boyfriend (whom I love), and an apartment (which I love!). I might have an eating disorder or I might not. That's for you to decide. In my opinion, I don't...I don't think it's serious enough to be one. My main problems with food come from binging. When I binge, my stomach expects more to be eaten the next couple days. This leads to me constantly eating and staying hungry. Well, I'm putting that to a stop.

No more "tomorrow". Today, I'm turning over a new leaf.

Always,
Charlie